Living in Japan is really helping me to see who I am and who I want to be. I see things done differently all the time, and sometimes, "different isn't good, different isn't bad, different is just different." Other times I think the Japanese way is better. Sometimes I prefer the American way. :) Seeing things done differently, my mind is forced to shift and think about "normal" things in more complex ways.
Who am I? Who do I want to become? What is my purpose in this world? I'm not the only 20-something-year-old grasping with these questions. My experience living abroad is definitely produces some healthy self-reflection. I've realized that I love living abroad. Despite the challenges, I feel I am living in my element. Everyday can be an adventure, filled with unexpected experiences and sights, from food to walking around outside to observing my co-workers. At times the language overwhelms me to the point where I don't even want to try anymore, but other times I find joy in reading a word in katakana and knowing what it is!
I've also realized that I love the United States.
I was raised with a rather unpatriotic religious background, opposed to blind allegiance, and I know to keep my eyes open regarding the government. But the more you live abroad, you realize every nation has it's problems, and if you want to be cynical, there is no such thing as a "good" government. But here are some things I value about the United States: our incredible diversity. I miss teaching at a school where 1/3 the kids are Latino, 1/3 are white, and the other 1/3 are African American or from other incredible countries. I value our independence and self-sufficiency. (If I didn't value it so much, it'd be easier to be a foreigner dependent on others!) Is the independent attitude always such a good thing? No. I admire Japan's lack of air-conditioning and mandatory recycling... I can just see Americans freaking out about stuff like that. "It's my right!" Yeah, yeah.
When you live in temporary housing, as I have been for the last 4 years at college, you think a lot about "stuff" and what you really need. I've realized about myself that, despite how much I like nice things, I really value experiences and relationships more than stuff. Things break, rip, and mold. You have to consolidate and pack things up when you go on to a new place.
The memories, experiences, and relationships, however, are always with you.
One relationship that I value above all others is mine with God. I can't put into words all the incredible ways he has provided for me in Japan. From making it clear I'm where I should be to putting some incredible people in my life, I never feel too overwhelmed to give up. I am humbled by how vast a world he created... from the beginning of the world, he knew Japan, and though the culture is new to me, God knows it better than the Japanese do, and God deeply loves the Japanese, just as he does the Americans and everyone in this beautiful world. The more I learn of the world, the smaller I feel, but I still sit in God's hand.
¡Dios está conmigo!
I look forward to the rest of my year- seeing other parts of Hokkaido, heading down south to Osaka, and maybe even flying over to South Korea or Taiwan. After that, I'm excited to return to the US in search of a teaching job, and I know back in the states I will be doing much more reflecting and comparing between Japan and the US. Then after I've taught the 4 years I need to for the TEACH Grant, I'd like to live abroad again, hopefully in a more permanent situation. Maybe South America or Spain, where I kind of know the language... or maybe something crazy and unexpected again, like Greece :).
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